This Shabbat we study the Parshah Chayei Sarah, meaning The Life of Sarah (Genesis 23:1). Sarah dies at age 127 and is buried in the Machpelah Cave in Hebron, which Abraham purchases from Ephron the Hittite for four hundred shekels of silver. Abraham’s servant Eliezer is sent to Charan to find a wife for Isaac. He chooses Rebecca, the daughter of Abraham’s nephew Bethuel. Isaac marries Rebecca, loves her and is comforted over the loss of his mother. The Parsha also tells of Abraham taking a new wife, Keturah (Hagar) and fathering six additional sons with her. However Isaac is designated as his only heir. Abraham dies at age 175 and is buried beside Sarah by his two eldest sons, Isaac and Ishmael.

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From an article in Chabad.org

According to the Kabbalists, Sarah was the first person to achieve the wholesome experience of a joyous life. Sarah understood that the path to joy does not run through the experience of self, like the pleasure of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, nor can it be achieved by escaping self-awareness, as Noah attempted to do. Sarah understood that while we cannot go back in time and return to Eden, and while we cannot liberate ourselves from the sense of self, we can achieve joy by devoting ourselves to something greater than us. When our sense of self is part of a transcendent experience, we are able to escape the ego without destroying awareness.

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As a consequence of the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, G-d told Eve, “In sadness you shall bear children.” For in a world where people perceive themselves, there is pleasure but also sadness. Yet many generations later Sarah understood that devoting oneself to raising a child, devoting oneself to a purpose beyond one’s own self, is a model for becoming holy and achieving joy. Indeed, when Sarah gave birth, her son was named Isaac, which means “joy” and “laughter.” She modeled the transformation from pain to joy, not only for herself but also for everyone around her, as the Torah relates, “Sarah said, ‘Gd has made joy for me; whoever hears will rejoice over me.”

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Sarah teaches us that in order to transcend the ego, which stifles joy, one must transcend oneself by becoming part of a greater story and a greater mission, a mission to make the world a better place by carrying out the divine purpose of creation.

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From an article by Rabbi Menachem Feldman

Abraham, we are told, was not just elderly, but “come into days.” Meaning, he had entered into his days, every one of them. Whatever it was he needed to do, whether to teach wisdom or to graze sheep, to throw himself into fire or to feed hungry strangers, to command or to obey, to love or to fight—in every act of life he invested his entire being. And so he owned every day of his life. His life was his.

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Rabbi Tzvi Freeman

Abraham’s purchase of the field which contained the Cave of Machpelah represents the beginning of the general redemption of all Jews. The commentary Pa’ane’ach Raza explains that with the 400 silver shekels that Abraham paid (Chayei Sarah 23:16), he purchased one square cubit of the Land of Israel for every one of the 600,000 root-souls of Israel. For by the estimation of “the seed of a chomer of barley at fifty silver shekels” (Vayikra 27:16), 400 silver shekels redeem exactly 600,000 square cubits.

Rabbi J. Immanuel Schochet

Once upon a time, a pious Jew was traveling through the countryside in Eastern Europe. He came to a shtetl where the local schochet (ritual slaughterer) had just taken ill. The town butcher had no one to do the slaughtering and was desperate when he bumped into the visitor. The traveler looked pious and Gd fearing (perhaps he wore a black hat and a beard) so the butcher asked him if he was, by any chance, a qualified schochet. The visitor replied that he was indeed. Overjoyed, the butcher started arranging for the man to begin work in the slaughterhouse immediately. Then the visitor asked the butcher if he would kindly lend him some money as he had just arrived and needed to purchase a few things. “But you’re a complete stranger,” said the butcher. “I don’t know you at all, how can I possibly lend you money?” Whereupon the visitor replied, “You were prepared to trust me with the spiritual well-being of your entire community even though you never laid eyes on me, but as soon as I asked you for a few rubles suddenly you hardly know me?” 

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This week’s Parshah tells the story of the very first shidduch in history. Abraham sends his faithful servant, Eliezer, to find a bride for his son Isaac. He hands Eliezer a document ceding his entire wealth to Isaac and makes him take a solemn oath that he will not bring back a Canaanite woman for his son but someone from Abraham’s own family, from Mesopotamia. Amazing Abraham! He writes over his entire fortune in a document to help Eliezer find the right shidduch. Is there even a mention that Abraham demanded some security from Eliezer for the wealth that he was entrusted with? There is not a word about Abraham insisting on any guarantees, promises, or even a handshake. On what did Abraham ask Eliezer to take an oath? Not on the money, but on the woman! When it came to the nature of the prospective bride, the character of the person his son would be marrying, Abraham demanded nothing less than a solemn oath. 

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What an incredible lesson for our own priority system in life. What is of most important to us? What do we truly value? When it comes to our money, everything must be under lock and key, safe and sound, with ironclad securities. Are we as careful with our children? Are we as particular about whom they go out with, where they go and what they get up to?

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There was a time when Jewish parents actually took responsibility for their children’s social well being and even their matchmaking. Ok, times have changed and children don’t appreciate parental interference in their romantic endeavors. Even Tevye the Milkman had daughters who insisted on marrying for love. But even if we can’t “arrange” things, we can still try to “engineer” an introduction behind the scenes. Or, at the very least, we could take an interest.

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Today’s young people might be horrified at the thought of a shadchan assisting them to find a marriage partner. Still, surely parents should be talking about marriage to their children when they come of age. Surely, the importance of getting married ought to be conveyed to our kids before they turn 35! And wouldn’t it be a good idea for parents to sit down with their kids at some stage to discuss what to look for in a marriage partner?

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Abraham was worried about the wrong woman having a bad influence on his son. How much more should we be concerned about our children who are rather less pious than Isaac was. And children might want to take their parents’ advice a little more seriously. After all, the experience of history indicates that parents often do see things that children—blinded by “love’--do not. The “singles” phenomenon is arguably the single biggest social problem in the Jewish world today. People are marrying older or not marrying at all. Often, the biological clock runs out before a family can get off the ground. Too often, desperate people make choices born out of desperation only to regret it in time.

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Abraham teaches us that it is our responsibility as parents to ensure that our children mix in the right circles and are not exposed to the wrong influences. Please G-d, all our children will find suitable marriage partners sooner than later and raise strong Jewish families that we will all be proud of.

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Rabbi Yossy Goldman